The D Word
As I look back on my 20s, my weight has gone through some crazy fluctuation, and this was even before having 2 babies. Now that I have a tiny (key word: tiny) bit more perspective on some of my experiences earlier in my 20's, I'm realizing that there is always a correlation between my weight and my mental health. The scary thing is that I never realized at the time when I was gaining weight, because it was always in a time of deep confusion in my life. It was like I had lost touch with reality. Apparently while my mind was not processing life, it was focusing on food.
So here's what I'm doing: counting. calories. Basic b stuff. But more than limiting how much I can eat in a day, it's helping me limit how much I can think about food in a day. I did a round of Whole30 almost a year ago and I'm really glad to have had the experience. It taught me so much about creating flavor using real food vs jarred/processed/convenient products. However, because of the preparation and intentionality required for Whole30, I was thinking about food all of the time! Even since doing Whole30, I've had bouts of limited carbs or no sweets, and the issue remains the same: still obsessing about food.
I am body positive. This isn't about a size, just a healthier life. For me (obviously, because I can't emphasize enough how personal this experience is), but for me this change of direction came from hating how I felt every single day since Phineas had been born, and finally feeling the freedom to do something about it once my back recovered. It came from listening to this well timed podcast. And it came from a quick chat with my doctor. But mostly, it came from being in a mentally healthy enough place to recognize that I want to be better and CAN be better.
And let's be real, I'm just hoping to keep up with my little men.