What I Read (for the 4th time): Bringing Up Bébé

In light of the approaching birth of my fourth baby, and having just spent a week in Paris, the timing was almost too perfect to not revisit my favorite book. After reading this book so may times over the last 9 or so years, not only am I familiar with the concepts of this book, but I've also come to love Pamela Druckerman as a writer. Her style is research heavy, uses comparison for context, and witty with a sense of humility and openness to learn. She is a leader for her readers. 

In reading Bringing up Bébé this time around, what stood out to me the most was the focus on balance in parenting and in life. (I'm confronted with this as I think about how many times I've wanted to rewrite my life, overcompensating with being off balance in one direction by switching it to another realm of my life... *ahem* the constant pining for graduate school.) 

Along with valuing balance, I also felt that the flexibility of French parenting presented itself to me more clearly than ever before. American parenting prides itself on being flexible and fluid, but I have always been attracted to the predictability and consistency of French parenting. After spending the last seven years establishing our cadre, it was refreshing to remember why boundaries are so important: for the freedom that is allowed within them. 

The ironic thing about building my parenting philosophies around French culture is that it feels so not-french to do so. (French parents have all inherited their practices and values, so they are not seeking alternative styles of parenting). One of the ways that I've implemented what I've learned from this book over the years was to NOT withdraw from American culture in favor of "french" practices. French values are more standardized than American values, and to be a French parent is to parent within the cultural systems available to them. My acceptance of American public schools, food, and playdate culture has not yielded French results, but it has felt like a French approach. 

While my children are definitely not French children as a result of this book, we have implemented many of the practices in our home when it comes to eating and sleep habits, respect, and the few but important firm rules (the cadre). In fact, this book is part of why I felt empowered to have more than a French amount of children (most of the families in the book have 2-3 children). Our kids are usually considered to be "good kids" since they know how to exist in the world with adults, because we as adults consider them to be part of our world and don't treat them as less. They are people who just haven't finished growing yet. 

As I finished reading Bringing Up Bébé this time, I realized that maybe the most French thing I've done was to go to Paris without my children, leaving them on an entirely different continent. They began their summer exploring their autonomy, resolving conflict, and enjoying life outside of our cadre, knowing it was waiting when they returned. M and I got to enjoy ourselves as just that - ourselves. Remembering who we are. The freedom to laugh together hasn't ended since we've returned from the trip.