Why introverts make great moms (even with a lot of kids)

It goes without saying: extroverts make great moms. They're fun! They keep things busy and everyone on their toes! Some of my greatest friends - and my own mom! - are extroverted moms and I admire so much of their parenting ethos. 

But I am now going to pull back on my use of exclamation points and look right at you - my fellow introvert - who are in the throes of parenting with your energy tank on low, or wondering if you should become a parent at all. Every person has unique value to offer in their parenting relationships. And I have found that being an introvert - defined as refueling their "energy tank" by being alone - is a positive dimension as a mom. 

An introverted mom can be attentive to kids in a special way. She may be exhausted by the quietly attuned attitude by the end of the day, but her natural stillness lets her absorb the atmosphere around her - including her children. 

Introversion leaves space to observe others who are retreating, including her own introverted children. In families where there are multiple kids, the one or two who wander off to entertain themselves can be a relief to parents managing multiple things at one time. Children need time on their own, but an introverted parent may be able to speak into their world to see if everything actually is okay.

Introverted parents can teach their kids how to be alone (aka bored) in leading by example. Albeit, most of my "alone time" activities like reading and writing now happen in a shared space, I want my kids to see what it's like for adults to be content with their own thoughts and the thoughts of others. I'm not trying to raise academic philosophers necessarily, but regardless if each kid tends to be more intro or extroverted, I don't want them to view alone reading or play time as a necessary evil.

Being introverted can leave space for more intentionality, necessitated by the limited amount of energy we have to expend. I love the idea of doing it all. There are so many good things to be done! Fun things, productive things, enriching and educational things. But an in-tune introvert understands that all the things are not meant to be done by one person, especially in one day. Our family has often appeared to have a more eventful life than we actually do. Limiting ourselves to one outing and/or fun activity a day leaves room for naps, natural lulls, and meals at home. Now that our older kids are in school, we don't have all of every day available to us to fill. But practicing intentional planning and scheduling has allowed our kids to be regulated and adjusted on most of every kind of day - whether it be a weekend day, school day, busy day or boring day.

A mom who is in tune with herself and her own needs can be more in tune with the needs of others. This isn't an oxygen mask illustration per se, but more that an awareness of personal limits allows grace for limits in others. I struggle with this the most, even though grace is a reality I've built my life upon.

Introverted parents don't have it all, but we do have what is important. 

Love,
A fellow introverted, rooting for you, mom.